Toxic Relationships

Have you ever had a relationship in your life that required a lot more effort than it was worth?  Just to keep the relationship going was hard work.  You feared the conversations and how it would go?  Well, I have and had to make a decision to rid the connection from my life.

You see this relationship lasted for over 30 years.  The relationship was off and on, meaning we would talk then we would not talk for months.  He would always become angry with me and instead of discussing the real issue with me he always chose to just give me the silent treatment.  I guess he really didn't care.  

He was a master at brushing issues under the rug and I tend to be way too forgiving.  I have always been taught to forgive.  Now maybe I misunderstood what it meant to forgive but I found that this relationship was unhealthy and destroying my self esteem.   

I can remember always feeling afraid to tell him something amazing that happened because ultimately he always found away to belittle my accomplishments.  Every accomplishment always followed, "why didn't you do it this way or why did you even do it that way."  If I got a promotion it was never good enough because bottom line I wasn't the CEO.  If I broke sales records and exceeded my quota, I could of done more.  If I bought a 2000.00 dollar refrigerator with my own money, well why did I waste money on a refrigerator when I don't need such an expensive one.  The 800.00 dollar one does the same as the 2000.00 dollar one I am told.  

I could never please this man.  Sure the compliments came every now and then.  I clung onto those compliments hoping for more to come.  Only for those compliments to be taken back and my faith shattered.  

This relationship for me was exhausting.  Throughout the years I had been told how I used him, how I was selfish, how I always make stupid decisions, how I can't handle my own life, how worthless I am, how it was never good enough, how I have always done things wrong, how difficult I can be over the holidays when it comes to juggling everyone, how I am not appreciative, and how I can possibly live day to day successfully.  

You see I disagree with all of this.  I tried for many years to prove his brutal comments to me wrong.  I have two beautiful children, who I feel are some of the most polite and well behaved kids you will ever meet.  This is the result of parenting.  I received two degrees while I was a single mom and in my 30's.  I busted my rear to make sure my girls were always happy and their needs were always met.  I paid my way through college.  I made sure my girls were my number one priority in my life after their parents divorced.  They didn't ask for their parents to split so my job was to keep their life as normal as possible.  My life revolved around these children and I live my life by giving them the best childhood that they deserve.  

I couldn't fathom how he thought I was selfish when I always try to please others.  I am constantly trying to help others and make them happy.  There are a few decisions I have made in my life, which were probably  stupid, but I am a stronger much wiser person because of those failures.  

As far as handling life?  Bring it on!  I am strong, independent and I can overcome.  I have hit rock bottom.  I know what it is like down there and what I have learned is everything happens for a reason.  We must always remember that no matter how bad it gets.  We can not let the down moments consume our lives when there are bigger and better things awaiting for us.  No one can make us unhappy it is our decision on whether we choose to be happy or not.  

Maybe I don't send enough thank you notes but I can assure you I will tell you how thankful I am and how wonderful you are.  I will walk to the end of the world for my friends.  I will drop everything for a friend in need no matter what it is!  Want to test that out?  Try it.....call me when you need me and I will be there!

So, one evening after leaving my classes I took a deep breath and realized how thankful I was the day was over.  You see Neuroscience, Cognitive Science, Social Personality, Personality and Development, and Research had killed me that day.  Not only was school stressful,  I was wearing a heart monitor.  Feeling the stress that day I just wanted to get home to Bill and my girls.  I sat on the couch and had my last phone conversation with this person who I could do nothing right for.  By the end of the conversation I ran into my closet and sat down and cried.  

All I could hear as I was experiencing heart issues and stress was how worthless I was.  How I used him to cart my girls down to Houston to their Dad's house.  I heard him telling me, "Poor poor Michelle you can't handle life.  You think you have finally met someone who loves you and your girls? Come on, Michelle they all start out that way and in the end you will see.  You never liked my wife and were always trying to find away to put a wedge between her and me.  You are selfish.  You always make a mess of things when it comes to getting together on Christmas.  You never have the plans in order.  No, you can't change the plans when Christmas Eve has always been our day.  I don't care if it is difficult for you.  That's you being selfish.  I even gave you money to help you pay for your own school one semester when you were in a bind and you never paid me back.  I'm still waiting on that money."  The words went on and on in my head and all started to just blend together as one big phrase,  "YOU ARE WORTHLESS!"

I sat there feeling horrible about myself.  Then I realized I had the power to end this!  End this once and for all.  It was time for this weight to be lifted off of my shoulders and I would never allow this man to treat me this way again.  The things he said to me that night are images burned in my head.  Even after 2 years they are still so fresh.  

I let go......

Still wondering sometimes if that was the best decision I received a friend request the other day from him on Facebook.  My 11 yr old daughter looked over and saw the request and said, "really?  why didn't grandpa just call you instead?"

From my 11 yr old daughter I thought....why didn't he my Dad just call me?

Change In Direction

Good Morning! I have decided after not being able to sleep for some reason last night to focus my blog on a particular topic.  My dear friend Allison has always told me I need to put Realationship Counselor and Xyngular Distributor on my business cards.  I have decided to take her advice!  Wel not really put that on my business cards but to offer up intersting topics and helpful articles in regards to relationships. 

I tend to be a magnet when it comes to my friends and even strangers discussing their relationship problems.  I love it!  I love to help them out.  I feel with my life experiences and my education I can offer some great advice.  No one has to take my advice or suggestions but I hope that you will ponder them in your head at some point. 

What do you think?  I hope to start this afternoon after doing a bit of reading.  I was wondering if you have any ideas on realtionship topics I should address? 

But, before I sign off this morning, I wanted to share this letter I received from a mother with a child with autism.  I don't need to say anymore about how this made me feel for you and myself.  I will let you decide how you feel after you read this.  Please fee free to comment.  I would love to hear what you have to say.

I am searching for ideas about my unique situation involving my little guy (who is also quite unique, as we all know). His latest and greatest obsessions involve clean vs dirty cars, car washes and car emblems. I am so tired of all of this and so ready for him to move onto another obsession!!! He will break down into tears over seeing a dirty car (not every time, but when he does it is a severe emotional breakdown lasting up to and even over an hour.) He has heightened anxiety at the moment, which I have already written about in the past and we did get back his strep titers test finally. The test was positive with high titers, so we will be treating for this soon with he help of our Dr.  I hope this treatments helps ease his anxiety and obsessions, since we know those can be symptoms of chronic strep infection.







Another issue that is causing great concern is his obsession with car emblems and his desire to see the inside of EVERY car he sees so that he can locate the emblem on the car's steering wheel. This obsession is so great that he runs off from us in parking lots, runs out of stores or building to get to the cars in the parking lots, tries to open car doors to see inside which can set off the alarms, and even has run up to people getting in and out of their cars and tried to push them aside so that he can attempt to see the steering wheel. It's INSANE and so dangerous, not to mention absolutely embarrassing when he climbs on someone's car to see in or practically tackles them to get to their car. This does not make others very happy, as you can imagine.






He's now officially faster than I am and this scares me to death! His racing through parking lots when he gets away from us is terrifying. I am partially venting to get this off my chest to a group that I know understands and also seeking opinions... do I wait until we address the strep and other issues with his DAN and hope to see these obsessions subside with proper treatments before taking a complete behavioral approach? Has anyone experienced anything like this before? I am losing my mind everytime we leave the house because the ability to get from our car to our destination and then back again is maddening! It's an all out battle to keep him off of cars and forget hand holding... I just have to grip him tightly in an effort to keep him with me. Not getting to see the cars seems to make the obsession worse!!! Help!!!!

Bless this mother!  Till next time....

The Beautiful Flower

Well, this evenings call from Cheryl Ables spoke to me and urged me to write.  I have been thinking about this for quite sometime and my dear friend Allison has been getting an earful along with Bill from me.  After listening to Cheryl validate exactly what I have been saying over and over I feel it is time to get this out there.

You see I had a dream the other night.  I was walking through a beautiful green meadow filled with beautiful red and yellow flowers.  As I was walking a large red flower with a bright yellow border lining the end of every petal stood out to me among all the other flowers. As I looked around  I noticed all the other flowers except this one beautiful flower had fallen or wilted to the ground.   I was in awwww of this beautiful flower.  I wanted to keep it for myself.  When I reached down to pick the flower the flower yelled, "NO!"  I immediately thought I was losing my mind as I jumped back.  I looked down at the flower standing so straight and the flower said, "please don't pick me, I have worked so hard to become such a beauty."  Well, knowing that I was in a dream I spoke to the flower and said, "Why can't I have you?  I want to show you off in a beautiful vase at my house."  The flower then explained to me how it started out as a little seed that had been dropped in the dirt by a bird.  The dirt grabbed onto the flower and legs began to anchor the soon to be flower in the ground.  The flower always told the roots how thankful it was for their support and in return they worked even harder to support this soon to be beautiful flower.  Then it went on to tell me a stem grew up out of the ground to help him reach the sky.  The stem was so caring and so sturdy that the legs (roots) provided all the wealth (nutrients) to the flower so that it eventually was able to reach the sky!.  You see this flower was always so thankful to the legs and the stem and it took pride in what had lifted it up to the sky.  The flower knew just from looking around at all the wilted flowers that beauty can not stand on it's own nor reach the sky without the help below it.

I sit here thinking about my own life and my job with Xyngular.  I cherish all my relationships and will walk to the end of the world for those I care for.  I don't ask for anything in return, when I give I truly give from my heart.   One thing I have always said when I made the decision to work as a distributor for Xyngular is I want each and every person, friend, or family member to know everyday how thankful I am for their support.  Whether it be for buying the products or just for supporting my career.  I make an effort almost everyday to make sure they all know I am here for them and that they are confident in knowing that.  I make an effort not to just sell the product or sign someone up without making sure they know I am here and I will be checking in on them because I want them to come with me!  I want to succeed and I want those involved to succeed with me.  Bottom line is that I can't not succeed with this on my own.  I wouldn't be where I am today if it were not for the people who trusted me and believed in what I had to say.  Here at home pursuing a career and staying home with my children who need me. They are my roots.  Roots that continue to increase in numbers and continue to grow beneath me and help me reach the sky!

So, I ask you, do you remember the people everyday who support you and made you who you are today?  If not, think about it and try not to take all the beauty and forget those who helped you obtain this beauty.

The Texas Weight Loss Challenge Kick off

Yesterday at 5:00pm I kicked off the Core 4 Texas Weight Loss Challenge via video. I posted this video on youtube to my channel and received a comment this morning that I wanted to share with you guys and gals.
The comment said:

Meh , I understand what you're trying to do with this scheme from a marketing point of view , but i don't think many people will join this contest for that prize , put money on the table = people will join .
I know you're trying to make ppl loose weight using your products and than say it's because of them you lost weight

Okay probably not the brightest person on the block just by reading the grammar, but I had three choices here.  I could delete it, I could do nothing or I could respond.  What did I choose?

Well, as Bill puts it I am a bull in a china store.  I really don't know why he calls me this?  Hmmm.....

Anyways., I responded.  Here is what I said:

You are right I am marketing! That's what I do! This is a weight loss challenge and most of the people who have joined are the ones WILLING to use the Core 4 products. If you don't want to join then no problem. I only want to market a product that works! I wouldn't promote a product I didn't personally try first nor believe in. This stuff is amazing and I have plenty of testimonials to back it up. In fact not one unsuccessful one yet. So why not have fun with this. 

Geez, as I realized I had to erase my first response the above comment is what I ended up having to leave due to the number of characters I could write.  Really?????  Come on!  When someone posts a reply like that I need more than 65 characters to respond!  So, here is what I was really wanting to write.

Dear Random Responder, 

You are right!!!  I am marketing some amazing weight loss products!  Why?  Because they work like no other weight loss products I have seen on the market!  No scheme here just facts!  As far as your opinion on people not wanting to join because they would rather win money instead of more of the products they have been using to help them in their weight loss journey, well that's just your opinion.  It is like winning money actually it is keeping money in your pocket so you don't have to buy more Core 4 because you are convinced the products work.  You state I am TRYING to make people lose weight ?  I can't make anyone lose weight, all I can do is state the facts and support, encourage, and be your cheerleader!  If someone loses weight on Core 4 it a combination of the products and the willingness to use them.  Many have seen for themselves that they have not had to change the way they eat and can just incorporate the products and they have been successful in their weight loss.  

 There are times in our life when opportunities are presented to us.  We can either open that door and experience it to the fullest or we can close the door and wish later we would have opened the door while others succeed.   Sometimes good things actually do come around and it is your choice as to whether you want to miss the boat or join in!   

My weight loss challenge offers up friendships, encouragement, support and loads of fun!  I call that motivation for a healthier lifestyle.  I truly believe in the Core 4 products and I would never think of selling something that I truly did not believe in.  Bottom line, you can not be an effective sales leader unless you actually believe in it.  I have seen it work and I personally know it works.  That is why not only I want to share it with my friends and family but I also have the passion and desire to see them achieve success in whatever they venture out on. 

I am not offended by your reply at all. Thanks for it and for giving me the opportunity to tell the world of youtube why I am doing what I do! Cheers!

 

So that's what I wanted to write.  Feel free to find the video here and comment with me!  I always like a good debate.
Weight Loss Video

 

 

Texas Weight Loss Challenge

I am doing a Texas Weight Loss Challenge with the Core 4 products. Interested? Email me and we can get you started. You are not using Core 4? That's okay we can get you started!

Super Fruit Global Blend Strawberry Smoothie

Here is another great recipe video making a smoothie with the Super Global Blend from Xyngular.

Lean vanilla strawberry smoothie

Lean Orange Julius Smoothie

Rubber Band Bracelets The New Fad

Have you heard of the new craze that has hit the schools? Rubber band bracelets. Really? When my daughters first told me they wanted me to buy these animal bracelets, I thought to myself how cute. Bracelets that are in the shape of animals? I might like this. I might even wear one myself. Of course, I like fun cute things.

So, after hearing for a week that the only place to get these popular bracelets was at Stonebriar, which I hate going to, I finally broke down and took them. Only to get there and see an empty kiosk with one rude man talking on the phone refusing to acknowledge us. After walking around the kiosk 4 times I did get to see one of the bands in a display case and my thoughts were, REALLY? I am going to spend money on this? These bands looked something like a 3 yr. old created. I looked at my kids and said, "you want this?" "These are silly and cheap." I could make these. Then I quickly remembered I wasn't spending money on this, my children were using their own money. I couldn't deny them what they wanted with the money they had earned, right? I mean who am I to judge what they want to buy with their money earned when I buy what I want, pedicures :D.

Wait! I can judge I am their mom! I quickly got a hold of myself and realized I am their mom and I can guide them into making purchases that are meaningful. So, after convincing them these were silly we left the kiosk only to find another silly toy, a fuzzy, squirmy thing on a string. Yep! Now that was a meaningful purchase! Okay, maybe not but it sure beats a bunch of rubber band bracelets.

The bracelet hunt didn't die down after I thought we cured the quest with a silly fuzzy toy. For the next week I found my kids coming home with rubber bracelets that their friends had duplicates of. More and more each day. "Mom, can we buy gum?" I thought man these children eat a lot of gum lately. Come to find out they were trading gum for bracelets. I also noticed an increase in my daughter's motivation to attend swim practices and get to school early. I was baffled and excited that my girls had finally found the meaning behind a good education and exercise.

Right? Noooooooooo!!!! The motivation was the rubber bracelets they were trading and collecting! Not me and my exceptional parenting skills. It was just these silly rubber bracelets driving the motivation.

Luckily my girls proved to me at a swim meet the next week that they earned a trip to Walgreens, who now carry these silly things. After the bang up meet they had I took them there and we purchased our first set of rubber bracelets. Hey, I guess I couldn't complain they were cheap. As I mom I like cheap entertaining toys.

The best part of this is something I thought was so silly and a waste has turned into a huge addiction. I even get to wear the "extra" bracelets because you know mom has to look cool too! I catch my kids showing off their arms now at the gas station to the kids in the next car.

So here I am on the hunt for these silly bracelets because every store seems to be out of them and all the stores know exactly what I am looking for. Last night after hitting three stores the person in front of me was already asking my question, "do you have them?" I don't even have to ask when I walk in to a store now because these things are so popular that I can assure you someone right before you is asking.

Everyday is a new day about what cool animal they have on their arm. I also hear what cool animal such and such is going to give them. Then I get to hear the negotiating between the two of them on who wants what rubber bracelet. Oh, and how they want to get to practice early because Jessica is going to trade a polar bear for a parrot.

This hot new craze has a silver lining for me as a mom. The good news is.....my girls don't miss swim practice anymore and they are motivated to go to school everyday for the fear they might miss out on a good trade. Awwww......gotta love the rubber bracelets and the fact that I get the leftovers. So my arm basically has the not so cool ones. Hmm....maybe I should start the adult craze over these!

Several Things I have learned so far!

Howdy!

Well, it has been awhile since I posted something on my blog. The last few weeks have been one crazy ride. I have learned so much in the past few weeks I thought I would share. Here we go....

1. I should have bought a video camera a long time ago to film my girls at their swim meets. What a great investment this was! It was so cool to come home after a three day meet and replay the events for them and also to share with my family in California! Why didn't I think of this along time ago?

2. I love my job! I honestly never thought about the rewards I would be receiving when taking this on. I have been doing this for a little over 2 months now and it just keeps growing. I am no where even close to wanting to throw in the towel and am thankful for that! Not only is it growing I have been creating some meaningful relationships. I have always had this passion for helping people, but didn't realize when embarking on this journey as a distributor for Xyngular that it would actually fulfill this need to want to help others. I think the best thing I have heard in the past week was when two friends of mine told me they trusted me. Trusted me because I am not looking to make a sale I am actually wanting to help them lose weight and for that they wanted to try the Core 4. They have known me for years and trust my judgement due to my example of living a healthy lifestyle. How cool is that? I am so thankful I am able to help others.

3. Never play fantasy baseball, football, or anything fantasy with your fiance. Enough said....

4. I have learned the social media world is enormous and you can easily get lost in the world. You can find your self spending hours researching, jumping from one link to another, setting up accounts in all the social networks, wasting time, losing sight of the big picture and so on. Honestly it is very simple. There is a wrong way and a right way. The internet world is HUGE!!! I am guilty of the wrong way but learned very quickly what works. Just pick two social sites and build relationships within them. Don't market your product all over the site just build relationships. How fun is that! You can also do this for free! You don't need to spend money on learning how to play in the social media world. You don't need to spend money to get more leads. You don't need to spend money on how to obtain more friends. Just be yourself. There is plenty of free advice out there and I would be more than happy to give it out.

I sit at my computer and re connect with friends from my past. I participate in a few groups that I have a passion for and meet new friends. Become an expert in something you love and become a trusted friend. We buy from the people we trust.

5. I have also learned the world of twitter. Twitter, I always thought was just about posting updates. Oh, not even close! Twitter is huge on marketing your business. You just have to figure out how to use it successfully. I hate seeing tweets from friends posting links to their products. In fact I un-follow them. Twitter, just as facebook, is about building relationships. Did you know you can search twitter by keywords, location, who follows who, and by profile data? Do you know you can use hashtags in twitter? Do you know what that is? Did you know you can set up automated direct messages to everyone who follows you? Or what about this, did you know you can automatically set your tweets to post for the entire day? You can also reply to people's tweets and it will broadcast out to all their tweet friends and yours? Or how about just retweet their tweet and maybe they will retweet yours to their followers. Whew!!! The world of twitter! Can you see how this relationship building in twitter can really help build your business? I could go on with more and more about twitter but I am afraid I may of lost some of you.

6. I now know that is does not do me any good to have a planner since I have showed up this week to two appointments and the appointment was not on the day I showed up. I apparently can not read the days of the week.

7. I have found a new love again for running. I have never felt better. I have been running now for 3 years straight. My new love though is running 2.5 miles every other day and working on my couch to 10k training on the other days. I feel healthy and stronger than ever before!

8. I have also learned that I should never be afraid of the dentist when my 8yr. old had her two front teeth knocked out two weeks ago and she went through way more than I ever have at the dentist. I showed up to my root canal appointment the next day with a smile on my face. Okay....so the nitrous helped a little. I also realized too much makes you hallucinate. I guess I should of said something to the dentist. I thought that was normal.

Well....that's pretty much what I have learned in the past few weeks. I am sure there is more but I can update you guys later. I am not off to hit the pavement for some 10k training.

Till next time.....